Remember this? The post I wrote after coming back from my last hiatus? I took that hiatus because of college apps and the ensuing tsunami of self-doubt and anxiety. I just read it, and I'm back in existential crisis mode. During winter break. With six more schools to apply to. By January 1. Yaaay.
Sometimes when I feel this way, I come back to this blog and read past posts to reminisce and reflect and just see what I was thinking in the past. And I realized just how therapeutic honesty is. I get so easily bored by my posts about fashion or beauty or food. Instead, I always end up reading my life update posts.
I've found that this is because I need to reconnect with my feelings. This led me to realize just how expressive of a person I naturally am- and that I'm always fighting it. My need for expressiveness led me to create this blog, and my urge to suppress it led me to go on hiatus twice (or thrice?), only to fail so I could write yet another annoyingly deep reflection post. The cycle goes: blog, get bored/uncomfortable for some unknown reason and go on hiatus, realize how much I miss expressing myself on my terms, repeat.
I've known that 'unknown' reason for a while now, but I never allowed myself to fully acknowledge it. The reason is my habit of posting what I think others expect instead of what I really care about. When I sense that I'm doing this, I get discouraged by my own BS and go on hiatus. Then I miss blogging, aaand you know how it goes from there.
The thing is, if you try running off pure passion, you might not be able to maintain a weekly posting schedule (God knows how I did it for the first six months of this blog). And I have to remind myself that that's okay. For me, blogging is a passion, not a job. I don't have to keep up a regular schedule. I just have to be passionate about what I post. If I start posting generic content out of habit, I have to snap back into it. But if I want to maintain a schedule, I have to be okay with not bursting at the seams with enthusiasm over every post.
It's such a simple concept, but it's been so hard for me to fully understand and come to terms with. I think YouTube really helped me do so not only because I connected with the creators I watched, but because I'm now seriously considering starting a channel. Like, seriously. Remember "Let's Talk Taboo"? I know I mentioned it in my last reflection post, but then, I was more seriously considering Tumblr as a main platform.
YouTube was the dream. I was too scared to seriously consider it then. Self-doubt came too easily. And while it still does, after endless consideration, I've decided that it would make way more sense and be waaay more enjoyable to make videos than write blog posts about politics.
I'll update you on the details when I start putting my plans into action. For now, I'm gonna have to keep reminding myself that it's about my thoughts, my passions, and my content, not that of the rest of the YouTube community. It'll be hard with so many successful vloggers to compare myself to, but I'll keep at it.
For now, feel free to click HERE and subscribe to my new channel! My subscriber count goal for now is 100, since that's when I can change my channel's URL from youtube.com/asdfghjkl;'!@$#% to youtube.com/letstalktaboo.
Sooo yeah. New content on leather + rouge coming up soon. In the meantime, please accept my apologies for my emo-ness.
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